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  • Writer's pictureDeanna Kahler

Dear Future Boyfriend


I wasn’t always sure I was ready for you, but I now know I am. I understand who I am and what I want, so wherever you are and whatever you’re doing, I send this message to you in the hopes that you will find me one day soon. Or should I say, we will find each other.


Maybe we’ll bump into each other in the grocery story or meet through a mutual friend. Perhaps you’ll be the one person on the dating app who actually wants a relationship. Maybe we already know each other or maybe we don’t. Whatever the case, I need you to know a few things about me and what I want, so we can be sure we’re actually a good match.


First, please know that my heart has been broken more times than I care to admit and I don’t trust easily, but despite the pain and disappointment I’ve been through, I still believe in love. I have never cheated on anyone and never plan to. I feel other people’s emotions and am affected by their moods. Your happiness will be my happiness; your sadness will be my sadness. I tend to put others before myself — sometimes at my own expense — but I am working on that. I’m ambitious and always working towards some goal. I need to feel I have a purpose and a place in this world. I like to keep busy with activities, but I also enjoy quiet moments of relaxation and peace. Being outside near or on the water calms me, as does spending a cozy night on the couch in front of the fireplace.


With that being said, here is what I need from you:


Love - Please love me unconditionally despite my faults and flaws, and I will do the same for you. I’m far from perfect, and I’m guessing you are too. What matters is that we support each other through good times and bad. We show up for each other. We take care of each other and celebrate milestones together. We talk about our feelings and spend quality time together. We treat each other with care and kindness. We share intimacy and make it a priority.


Strength - I’m a strong woman, but I need to know you have my back and will protect me. Sometimes I will be scared, and during those times, please be there to comfort and reassure me. Carry me when I feel weak and support me when I feel like giving up. Let me know we can get through any hardship together.

Safety - I need to know that I’m safe with you and that I can trust you with my life and my heart. As I’ve said, I don’t trust easily, so please show me that you will do your best to ensure no harm comes to me, whether physically or emotionally.


Romance - Surprise me once in a while with a sweet gesture or outing. I’m not talking about anything lavish. I enjoy the simple things in life: flowers, a picnic in the park, a walk along the beach at sunset, being wrapped in your arms while we watch the stars, a kiss in the park, cuddling up together on a cold morning. You get the idea. Yes, I’m a hopeless romantic!


Partnership - Please don’t let me carry the burdens of life alone. Sure, I can do it, if need be, but I become stressed out and overwhelmed when I have to handle everything on my own. I need you to be my partner, to lend a hand and share responsibilities. Plan our dates sometimes. Carry those heavy bags when we go on vacation, instead of letting me struggle with them alone. Discuss important decisions that affect us as a couple. Let’s do life together.


Respect - Please don’t yell, criticize or belittle me in front of others. Please don’t threaten me. If you’re upset with me, let’s have a private conversation later. Respect my boundaries. Don’t pressure me to do something I’m not comfortable with. Understand I have feelings and opinions that may not always be the same as yours — and that’s ok. We don’t have to agree on everything, but it’s important we accept each other and our differences.


Honesty - Be honest about your feelings and intentions. Please don't hide the truth from me, no matter how painful. Remember that cheating is a breach of trust and never ok. If we're having relationship problems or you feel you are missing out on something you need, let's talk. If you're tempted by another woman, let's talk about that too. Through open communication, we can either work things out or decide to part ways. Remember, it's better to end a relationship that isn't working than to destroy it and the person you're with by running into the arms of someone else.


These are the things I've learned I need and will strive to give to you also. I don’t expect perfection, but I do expect effort. Relationships involve work on both sides. Love isn't always blissful. We will make mistakes. We will get into arguments. We won’t always be happy with each other. It’s our willingness to talk things out and not give up that will help keep our relationship strong.


Future Boyfriend, wherever you may be, I am ready and waiting for you. Take my hand and let’s journey through life together.


With love,

Your Future Girlfriend

 

Deanna Kahler is a teacher and writer with a passion for inspiring and helping others. She has more than 25 years of professional writing experience and is the author of several books, including her latest, Reflections: Finding strength in difficult times.


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